Resolutions: How to Keep Those Intentions All Year Long

By Deb Cummings

Editor's Note: This article ran in 2019 and although most of the content is timeless, job titles and other matters may have changed.

Remember those resolutions you set some 10 days ago? Those very ones that promised to launch you on the path to a “new you?”

Well, if you’re anything like 30 per cent of the human race, those resolutions have already fallen by the wayside. According to the time-management firm FranklinCovey, by the time the new year ends, fewer than 10 per cent will be fully kept.

With such a deplorable record, why even bother, some ask. Do we have such flimsy self-control that we can’t even shed a few pounds, go to the gym regularly, bolster our savings account, cut back on sugar or whatever goal we’ve set for ourselves?

The answer is that this view of self-control is all wrong, so suggests Dr. David DeSteno, PhD, author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. In choosing to rely on sheer willpower and grit to stick to our goals, he says, we’re disadvantaging ourselves. “We’re using tools that aren’t only weak, they’re also potentially harmful,” DeSteno says. “If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure. Given self-control’s importance for success, it seems as if evolution should have provided us with a tool for it that was less excruciating to use.”

DeSteno says he believes that, if we were to link resolutions to emotions like gratitude and compassion, self-control would be less of a battle.

Local psychologist and alumna Dr. Taryn Bemister, PhD’14, MSc’10, isn’t convinced about DeSteno’s theory. In fact, she consistently witnesses the power of goal-setting in her practice that specializes in cognitive behavioural therapy.

She maintains that goals should be SMART. That’s an acronym for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound. SMART may work for management, but Bemister maintains it can also work for personal resolutions, as well.

Bemister also points out there’s a “lot of research that suggests that you will have higher success if you set moderately difficult goals, rather than anything that’s too easy.” She also reminds us that we are often socially motivated so, if you go to a gym, go with a buddy. And be accountable: share your goals publicly (perhaps on social media, Bemister suggests), or write them down, or do what Bemister does and actually record them on New Year’s Eve (to be replayed the following year).

Here is some intel from a few other UCalgary alumni about their experiences with resolutions, goals, intentions — whatever you choose to call those vows you made on Dec. 31.

Many goals rely on changing habits — a topic that has spawned a cottage industry over the last decade. Curry likens the process of forming a new habit to, “driving through a bumpy field which becomes a dirt road, then a secondary road and eventually a highway — if practised enough. Your motivation to change helps determine how successful you’ll be in getting off the existing highway and taking the steps to retrain and relearn how to do it a different way.” So how long does it take to change a habit? “It depends on the length of [the] habit and your motivation,” says Curry.

Another firm naysayer of New Year’s resolutions is Eva Friesen, MBA’00, president and CEO of the Calgary Foundation. Confessing that she’s never met a soul who’s stuck with their resolutions, Friesen does, however, believe in “taking stock of one’s life” and forming new habits while changing things that are problematic. For Friesen, one of those things is decluttering her home. “I'm not happy with the many piles of ‘stuff’ around my home,” she admits. “So, some time ago, I resolved each weekend to deal with one pile. If I manage two piles, I exceed my expectation and am thrilled. So far, so good. I may, actually, have resolved all clutter in about two years. In the meantime,” Friesen adds, “I am developing the habit of dealing with new stuff the moment it arrives — and that’s building a new habit.”